Baby Boomers and Aging Loved Ones:

Getting Help With Difficult Decisions

  With the graying of America, the Baby Boom generation is facing an unprecedented challenge:  how to make decisions about our aging parents and other loved ones.  The general population is living longer than ever, though dying of the same things that have been the major causes of death in the U.S. for many decades:  heart disease, strokes, and cancer.  Many of our elderly parents are living longer with disabilities, Alzheimer's disease, other dementias, as well as heart disease, cancer or after stroke, and the gradual erosion of independence at home.

For many of us, the concern about the outcomes of these diseases is eclipsed by the fact that we must figure out how to take care of our elderly loved ones as they grow more infirm, and less able to safely manage on their own, without much guidance from anyone.  If you are the “responsible one” in the family, you may find yourself struggling with many questions.  Should I put Mom or Dad in a nursing home?  An assisted living facility?  Should I sell the house?  Do I need a conservatorship?  How about getting a power of attorney?  What if there isn’t enough money?  Should I try to take care of him/her at my home?  What if she wants to stay at home, but she can’t remember to pay the bills?  Where should I start?

There are many resources to guide us, but how do I find the right one for me?  In surveying the places to go for information in my own county of Marin, California, I was somewhat surprised to find that there is no central place where one can go to get these kinds of questions answered, especially if the senior in question is not poor and a MediCal (or Medicaid) recipient.  For the lowest income seniors, there are community centers and other seniors' resources doing the job of information and referral.  For others, one must somehow find lawyers, real estate brokers, care givers, care managers, financial advisors and others by either blind luck or a lot of looking, asking and calling.

Because this information seems to be fragmented in our own county, we were motivated to start a consulting service in the community, with the families of aging seniors in mind.  The idea is to make information and advice available in one location, and to get direction about where to go for other reliable help without having to spend hours and hours over time.  Consultations here are not meant to be a substitute for doing one’s own evaluation of what is available in your area.   For instance, you still have to go check out that assisted living facility, the home care agency or the nursing home you are considering.  Rather, they are meant to save people time by giving some focused help in finding a direction for caring properly for the elderly loved one.  For example, if the elder is failing to pay bills or keep track of things, the decisions must be made to address the problem before it becomes dangerous for the elder to be alone.  Is there a family member who can take over the responsibility?  Is a conservator needed if no family or friend can do the job?  Should the elder be left alone? Is it time to consider where else besides one’s home, the elder can safely and happily find a new place to live with supervision?  Where to start the process, how to do a good search for the right situation, and what legal needs arise are questions we can answer. 

We help people learn how to do a basic evaluation of a nursing home, understand the contract involved, and advise them about what to look for in alternatives to nursing homes. We help caregivers understand what legal differences exist in the way the State regulates nursing homes versus assisted living facilities and board and care homes. We discuss the interplay of legal, healthcare and psychological problems elders present.  We have a solid network of other, established professionals and service workers to whom we can refer and whose work we can describe. 

For instance, a competent geriatric care manager can help you find a home helper, but how do you know where to find a care manager?  A sensitive real estate broker who helps ready the senior’s home for sale and helps the senior with the transition to a supervised living situation can be a great help, but who knows a sensitive real estate agent?  If your aging parent's estate plan was drawn up in another state, is the power of attorney good here?  How do you find the lawyer you need? If your aging parent must move out of the family home, we refer to reliable individuals who will pack up the household goods, sell, store, or donate goods as the family wants, or move the desired items to a new facility.  We refer to known, competent colleagues who are estate planning attorneys, care managers, conservators, home care workers, money managers, care giving agencies, therapists, and others in a network of those connected by a concern for elders.  We give people a place to start in the transition.

When families are in conflict over the issues involving elders, we may suggest mediation to assist in resolving their disputes, or working out ways to get along in sharing the sometimes burdensome duties of maintaining the elder’s safety and good care.  Even when families are scattered across the country, telephone conferences allow us to meet with them and provide assistance.  We are both experienced mediators, helping families of aging parents to work out their differences.

  With seventy years of combined professional expertise, we can intervene as neutral professionals, helping families or the elders individually to make the difficult decisions they must face.

If you are caring for an aging loved one, and feel overwhelmed, it is important to ask for help.  If your resources are limited, there are numerous agencies in many communities which offer low cost or free help for seniors.  If you do not know where to find these resources, we can direct you to the places to start your search for answers to your questions.  If you want to get a great deal of information on a CD about caring for aging parents and a resource guide with places to find help across the country, we offer that as well, and it can be ordered on this website. 

Marin Senior Care and Services is a community consultation service provided by Carolyn L. Rosenblatt, R.N., Attorney at Law and Dr. Mikol S. Davis, Ed.D., Clinical Psychologist.  We provide hourly services for individuals or families.  Our reasonably priced, downloadable Resource Guide or Aging Parents CD are available now.  You may arrange for a live consult online, a telephone consult, or a personal visit if you are in this area.

  You can reach us at:

711 Mission Ave.

San Rafael, CA 94901

Ms. Rosenblatt:  415 459-0413

Dr. Davis:           415 459-1203