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Caring for Aging Parents
CARING FOR AGING PARENTS
Realizing that aging parents need
assistance with daily living can be stressful, frightening, and sometimes
overwhelming. If you are facing this type of situation, you are not
alone. A survey by the National Alliance for Caregiving (NAC) has identified
nearly 22 million U.S. households that care for relatives aged 50 or over who
are either ill or disabled.
According to the NAC, most of these
caregivers fall into a category known as “informal caregivers” - usually
spouses, adult children, other relatives, or friends - many of whom cover the
costs for the aging relatives’ health care and long-term care but receive no
financial compensation for their caregiver services. The Administration
on Aging (AoA) reports that the economic value of our nation’s informal
caregivers is estimated at $257 billion a year.
Women Caregivers
Three of four informal caregivers
are women, and nearly two million of them care for parents and under-age
children at the same time, reports the University of Missouri’s Department of
Human Development and Family Studies. In addition to these responsibilities,
many female caregivers also work outside the home, continuously juggling
others’ demands for their time, with precious little time to care for their own
needs.
The University of Missouri states
that as many as 12 percent of women caregivers quit their paid jobs each year
to provide care full-time. Often, these women are sole caregivers and
decision-makers who do not have support from others when these responsibilities
become too much to handle. According to the American Association of
Retired Persons (AARP), informal caregivers who cope with their parents’
declining health, mobility, memory, and/or independence may often experience
the following feelings:
- Torn between providing help with daily activities, and
respecting the aging parents’ desire to remain independent. Most
caregivers want to support their parents’ wish to live independently, but
are uncertain when it is time to take control.
- Unprepared for this responsibility.
- Unsure about how to determine their parents’ needs.
If you facing this situation or expect to in the
future, the AARP recommends taking the following steps:
- Talk openly with your parents. Let
them know that you want to work together to meet their needs. Find out
what's important to them, what "independence" means to them, and
how they want to be cared for as they grow older.
- Involve the entire family in caregiving – Siblings,
spouses, extended family members, and even children and friends can help.
Friends and family members can participate in family discussions
with your parents about their needs and help make decisions. They can also
take turns providing care, paying bills, talking with doctors, researching
health, financial, legal, or caregiver issues, calling regularly, or
caring for your children when you need to be with your parents. Some
of these activities can be done long distance. Children can also help by
walking a pet, watering the garden, or reading a story to their grandparents.
Recognizing When Parents Need Help
The AARP suggests that you and your
family discuss the following issues to determine the well-being and safety of
aging family members:
- Physical Health.
Do your parents have one or
more chronic diseases, such as arthritis, diabetes, emphysema, or high
blood pressure? Have they been diagnosed with other diseases, such as
cancer, heart disease, or stroke? Do they have problems with their
bowels, bladder, vision or hearing? Do they have difficulty walking?
Who are their health care providers and hospitals?
- Mental Health.
Have one or both parents been
diagnosed with depression, anxiety, psychosis, Alzheimer's disease, or
another form of dementia? Do they become forgetful, confused,
disoriented, or seem isolated from friends and family? Do they
experience mood swings, sadness, or loneliness?
- Medications. What
prescription and over-the-counter medications are your parents currently
taking? What is the dosage for each drug? How often should
these drugs be taken? What are the side effects? Are they
taking medications as directed? Which pharmacy do they use?
- Daily Living Skills. Can your parents feed themselves, bathe, dress, use a
toilet, climb stairs, or use the phone with little or no assistance?
Do they know how to use the telephone to call friends or family and
911 in the event of an emergency? Are they able to shop, prepare
meals, do laundry, clean the home, and do yard work?
- Hygiene and Appearance. Do your
parents bathe and brush their teeth regularly? Can they attend to grooming
needs such as washing and combing hair and clipping nails? Do they wear
clean clothes?
- Safety.
Is your parents’ neighborhood
safe? Is the home or apartment equipped with working smoke detectors, and
can they hear them adequately? Are there adequate locks on their
doors and windows? Can they avoid telephone and door-to-door fraud? Can
they safely drive or get around on foot or by public transportation
without getting lost?
- Social Support.
Do your parents visit with
family and friends or get out of the house for other social reasons
(senior center activities, place of worship)? Do they have a list of
family and friends’ names, addresses, and phone numbers near the telephone
in case of an emergency?
- Finances.
Does your parents’ current
income adequately cover monthly living expenses? Do they have
insurance? Will the income or insurance cover additional expenses in
the event short or long-term care is needed? Do they pay bills on
time? Are they able to make informed financial decisions?
- Legal Issues.
Do your parents have updated
legal documents such as trusts, living wills, and/or durable power of
attorney? Are they able to make informed legal decisions?
- Interests.
Are your parents involved in
one or more hobbies? Do they read books, watch favorite TV shows,
exercise, or play musical instruments?
These questions can help you to
identify potential problems and allow you to take action in those areas of your
parents’ lives that need attention. Be sure to include your parents’
doctor(s) in these discussions.
It is not always easy to recognize
when aging parents need help. If you feel that additional assessments are
necessary, some hospitals, clinics, agencies on aging, and certain health
professionals known as geriatric care managers can provide a “geriatric
assessment” – a thorough evaluation of a person's physical, mental,
environmental, and in some cases, financial and legal needs. This assessment
can also identify risks to the aging person’s well-being, provide
recommendations to reduce those risks, and where to go to for support.
More important, it can help the health professional(s) determine your
parents’ ability to remain independent.
Where to Find Help
Finding help when you need it can be
one of the biggest challenges of caregiving. There are many resources
that can provide you with information and assistance, including the following
list from the National Institute on Aging:
American Association of Retired
Persons (AARP) is a nonprofit membership
organization dedicated to addressing the needs and interests of persons 50 and
older.
1- 888-687-2277
http://www.aarp.org/
Eldercare Locator is a nationwide service for finding
services such as adult day care, home aides, and social workers in your area.
1-800-677-1116
http://www.eldercare.gov
National Council on the Aging provides BenefitsCheckUp, a
confidential, no-cost online screening tool designed for seniors and those who
assist them to determine eligibility for 1,300 different federal, state, and
private benefit programs.
1-202-479-1200
http://www.ncoa.org
National Family Caregivers
Association (NFCA) provides information and education,
support, public awareness, and advocacy for caregivers.
1-800-896-3650
http://www.nfcacares.org
The U.S. Department of Health and
Human Services, Administration on Aging
works with a nationwide network of
organizations and service providers to provide information and resources on a
variety of aging-related topics.
1-202-619-0724
http://www.aoa.gov
Final Thoughts about Caregiving
Caregiving is an act of love that is
often accompanied with a wide range of emotions for the aging parents and the
caregiver. However, it can also be an opportunity to enrich your
relationship with your parents.
Communicating openly with your
parents, taking an honest look at their abilities and limitations, and
developing a plan for the time when they will not be able to care for
themselves can make you feel less anxious about the future. It can also
remove some of the stress you may feel so that you can enjoy the time you have
together.
There's a wealth of support,
resources and networks out there to help caregivers including friends and
family, organizations, and support groups. If you are a caregiver, don't
try to do it alone. Talk to your parents’ doctor(s). You will need
support and the more support you can get, the better. Take the first step
and ask for help.
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